Let’s Talk About L0V3 (Part 3/4)

How Do You Know if He or She is the "One"?

I recently just learned this the hard way: just because someone has almost all the same interests (and passions) as you and many coincidences had occurred/ start occurring, it doesn't necessarily mean it's a sign from God saying, "this is your future partner." Interests can fleet, but core values aren't to be compromised. It takes two already-whole people to have a thriving relationship.

Remember when you were younger, did you ever have "girl talk" or "guy talk" (to be honest, I don't actually know if guys talk about their crushes during guy talk lol)? When I was younger, my Ates (older sisters in Tagalog) and I would talk about the guys we like and the qualities we wanted him to have. Talks like these always got me so engaged to the point where I, too, created the resume of what I want in my future husband. If you haven't made your list, I encourage you to do so! In the book of Habakkuk it says, "write it down and make it plain." I believe this is the most tangible way I'll know if he's "the one" worth sacrificing my time for. And the same goes for him - I don't want to waste his time and efforts if I'm not the woman he can see himself with in the future!

So, list down your specific green flags and your red flags! I love hearing other people's! My Kuya (Daniel) would remind me that God zealously pursues His church; therefore, the initial passing green flag is when this future guy pursues me. (ex: willing to drive 2-3 hours to come see me for a first date). One red flag for me is if this guy can't celebrate me/ with me when I experience wins in life. Just because somebody is in a valley, at the moment, doesn't mean he or she is incapable to still be joyful for you being at the top of the hill. Those kinds of people produce a bitter, unhealthy attitude.
List down your non-negotiables, which are things that your future husband/ wife must have before you decide to marry that person.

I don't want to list everything on my resume, my future guy might be reading this lol, but a non-negotiable for me is that this man MUST be someone who has an honest, strong relationship with God. If I am to submit to this guy, then he better know how to lead us. God is the core of who I am, He is who I get my identity from, my confidence. The ability to do the things I'm passionate about, everything I do, stems from Him. And so, if a guy comes around and doesn't believe in God or doesn't have a relationship with God himself then how can He truly love and support me and my purpose in life?! Tito Francis Chan in his book "You and Me Forever" reminds me that my future husband is to reflect Jesus. Just as Jesus has a high regard for purity, I should have confidence that I'll never have a reason to doubt my man's faithfulness or compromise my own purity. Loving the way Christ loves requires divine power - the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit that Jesus promised to give each one of us who surrender their lives to Him. If you want a healthy relationship, then you and your partner's core values and beliefs must align.
I'll be vulnerable here – these past few months was when I experienced how difficult it really is to live like Jesus in this way of “waiting.” I had to learn that saying "no" now - to a temporary pleasure - is saying "yes" to my future husband at the right time.

All this being said, I believe our past relationships are never a waste of time. You may even pull out qualities that you would like in your future husband/ wife from any type of relationship you have with the people in your life. For example, I think that my best friend has thee best voice. (Corny, but yes, I mean normal voice and singing voice). Therefore, I'll pray to God that my future husband will also have a superb singing voice! And that he'll have a strong voice that I can focus on when I get fearful in doing something. Nothing is too absurd for the Lord. He is listening to the desires of our hearts.

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